Friday, December 16, 2016

Friday, December 2, 2016

Everyone is lonely.

There's no way that you can't be, at least occasionally. You're all by yourself in your own head, with no escape. Not even for a few minutes.

And unless you really enjoy the company of yourself, well...everyone would go a little crazy in their solitude, right?

I believe that's why we have so many different modes of communication. I mean, everything we do is some form of communication, in reality.

And honestly, I love it. I love having constant access to other people's lives; their thoughts, feelings,'s all so comforting to me. I get to escape my own mind for a bit and sneak a glimpse of the minds of others.

I feel like my activity on social media is always some weird desperate attempt to connect with people. If only for a moment to not feel so alone.

But I guess I wonder if everyone else is faking it as much as I am.

This week's goal: Finish PS6&7

Friday, November 18, 2016

Friday, November 4, 2016

It turns out that asking for help is really one of the hardest things I've ever done.

Anyway. I'm going to get through this. I feel that now. And I recognize that I am still in a pretty dark place, but at least I have more faith in being able to pull through.

This week's goal: What's been done to you vs what's been done by you.

Friday, October 28, 2016


it was a really tough week. but i get to see my dog today

this week's goal: breathe

Friday, October 21, 2016

Let's face it. We all have problems.

Not too long ago my roommate and her boyfriend of 2-years broke up. It was sort of a long-time coming, since they realized that their life goals didn't match with each other's, and there were other small issues (which all couples have) that tended to get magnified by the whole ordeal. Well anyway, they broke up. My roommate has been handling it well; she took her time to be sad, which is normal, but now she has more-or-less moved on and I think she's happy. Which is great.

Her (ex) boyfriend, on the other hand, has yet to tell his family and friends that he's single. He claims it's to "avoid the awkwardness" which...fine. I get it. Breakups are notoriously awkward and it's really tough to be graceful about it no matter what the underlying circumstances are. But honestly, I think it's making it harder for him to let go. Hearing yourself say something out loud is what it takes to truly admit that fact to yourself. Maybe he can't tell anyone because he hasn't actually accepted it yet.

Anyway that whole blurb is just a long introduction to this thing I realized about my life (because omg I can't believe we weren't talking about me for that long, I mean I am a Millennial and therefore I am a narcissist).

All sarcasm aside though, I realized I need to admit some things to myself. And it's really hard to do this, but I need to so that I can deal with it and move on.

First of all, I am struggling with some severe anxiety and depression right now. I think I've always been a high-anxiety person, which most people at this age are experiencing as well. I have never handled it supremely well, but I was always able to at least get though it.

Well, either it built up more than usual or I have become worse at handling it, because about a month ago I tried to kill myself. And I contemplated it again a few weeks ago. It seemed completely reasonable at the time, but obviously I've now come to realize that was stupid. I had actually thought myself a coward for not being able to go through with it, but really that was my messed up brain trying to murder itself. Funny, right? (Okay, not actually. But this is a weird thing to talk about so I'm trying to be nonchalant to make it easier.)

So I've been seeing a counselor and I was put on some medication and that didn't work so they upped my dosage and put me on a second medication simultaneously and if this doesn't work they'll have to try a different medication...and it's a process. But I am working on it.

Another thing I need to admit to myself is this weird ambiguity about my sexual orientation. Okay so I am single, and I've only had a few meager attempts in the past at not being single. And for the most part I'm fine with that, but if you've known me the past few years you know how much I like to joke about how I'm "probably like 90% lesbian". And eventually that stuck, and then a bunch of my friends just thought of me as a lesbian. And then I started to am I a lesbian?

For a while I was like, "Yes, definitely. I am a lesbian, I should tell everyone so that I can start dating girls and be happy." And that was okay for a bit, but ultimately weird. I like girls sometimes, but I could never truly picture my future as me being married to a girl because I had this image of a family and (don't get me wrong, I think that anyone should be able to have a family) I've personally always had this traditional view of having a husband and three kids. And then I thought "Maybe that traditional family bullshit is just a social stigma, and maybe I need to get used to the idea that I'm a lesbian". So I tried adjusting to that mindset.

But what I'm actually pretty sure is the case is that the reason I can't bring myself to start a relationship with a guy...the reason I push away or pull back whenever things start to get serious, is because I'm still not over the fact that most of my sexual experiences have been without my consent.

Yeah. I have been raped a couple of times. It's such an ugly word and an ugly thing, and I felt ugly having been involved in it. But I am finally able to call it what it was, and say that I am a victim of rape and sexual abuse, and it sucks.

And it's really not that uncommon. I know SO many people who have been raped. And THAT sucks.

Anyway. I might be super gay, who knows. But I think coming to terms with my history could help me really figure myself out. But those are kind of the big problems I'm trying to deal with right now. And I don't think anyone really reads this, but if you are, I'm sorry if this made you uncomfortable. I figured this blog was a good outlet for me, because it's public so it really is a medium through which I can feel like I'm admitting something "out loud" (so to speak), and maybe I can start facing it.

I'm not going to start blabbing this to my friends, because I'm not ready for that. And yeah, maybe eventually I'll need support to get through this, but for now I just need to start by telling myself that it is what it is. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me or thinking I'm fragile.

I'm okay. Or I'm working on being okay, at least.
Besides. We all have problems. So let's face it.

This week's goal: Start looking for research positions.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Friday, October 7, 2016


Saturday: A friend was made.
Sunday: A goal was met.
Monday: I made her laugh.
Tuesday: I stayed awake.
Wednesday: The cops were called.
Thursday: I took control.
Friday: I saw old friends.

This week's goal: Put it in The Box.

Friday, September 30, 2016


it's been a long two weeks
i'm going to bed

This week's goal: eat

Friday, September 23, 2016


I've been having a tough week. My friend Eli sent me a stuffed animal otter in the mail, with an encouraging message attached.

It's exactly what I needed.

This week's goal: be nice to everyone else

Friday, September 16, 2016

there is a war

between logic and emotion
and we're all waiting
to see
who will win

This week's goal: be nice to yourself.

Sunday, September 11, 2016


Well, it's week 4 of the semester, which means I've finally started opening my textbooks.

I have a lot of used and rented textbooks, and I think my favorite thing (besides them being significantly cheaper than buying new textbooks) is finding scraps from the lives of previous people who used the book.

I just leafed through one of my textbooks for quantum mechanics and I found a black plastic...thing (I don't know a more sophisticated word for it since I don't know what it is), a note-card that says "Bis until 10" with a box around the number ten, and the torn front page of a Notebook PC Quick Start Guide.

Admittedly, these are not very exciting items, but there's a sort of cryptic nature to them; I think that's what makes them fascinating. These scraps, little thoughtless pieces from daily life that somehow got stuck in the textbook while being mixed up in a backpack, or maybe used as a place-marker for something important: I have no idea what role these scraps played in someone's life, or why they ended up in the textbook.

And I don't know why, but I just really like that.

Friday, September 9, 2016

Friday, September 2, 2016

Up and up

Sorry I kind of died last week.
First week of classes would have been a bit more enjoyable if I hadn't been stressed about the GRE and on top of that (of course), getting sick.

But the GRE is over. It went well enough, so I guess I'm just super relieved to be done and ready to move on to the next step. Which is just as daunting and intimidating. But. One step at a time.

Anyway, I'm in love with all my psych professors. They're all so funny and great and smart and I just absolutely love my classes. This semester is going to be a little tough, but luckily most of my classes overlap a lot in material, so it's kind of nice to be able to study for 4 exams at once.

Anyway, I'm going to take this weekend to catch up and recover. I was mildly prepared for the second week of classes being a lot of catch up work, but of course being prepared doesn't necessarily make things easy (just marginally easier than they would have been).

So for now I feel good. Like...not good. I feel okay. But in a good way.


This week's goal: CATCH UP! And no skipping classes dummy. 

Friday, August 19, 2016


I keep whining about how I'm stressed that I only had one semester of being a Psychology student before I had to start really preparing for Grad school.

I mean can you blame me? I switched my major one week into the semester. I was taking basic psychology courses but nothing that really represented my interests and weren't very challenging. And now, by the end of this upcoming semester I will need to have taken the GRE (which is in a week by the way), figure out for sure what I want to study for 6 freaking years beyond my undergraduate degree, decide regionally where I want to go, apply to schools (which requires references which I haven't really been able to accumulate over the course of a single semester taking general psychology courses with 200 students in them), and I now I have to take a year of biology (mind you I only have one year left, so I'm trying to get into a Neurobiology course which is full and I don't have the prerequisite for)...and then what? Sit back and cross my fingers that in all of that process I haven't made a huge mistake or misjudged my interests?

Yeah it's stressful.

But look, okay. It's stressful for everyone. And there are challenges with every next step in life, whatever that may be for anyone at any given time.

I guess I just have to think... would I really be all that much better off if I had more time to think and prepare? Would I even use that time?

Knowing me, probably not.

So shut up, Kira. It's going to be fine. One step at a time, right? So step 1: the GRE. That's in a week. Take a deep breath and focus. For right now, the only thing in your horizon is that exam.

This week's goal: GRE Prep (like the dickens!)

Friday, August 12, 2016


Holy crap I am ready to go back to Ames and have a routine.

This week's goal: Get everything ready for the semester to start!

Friday, July 29, 2016

Everybody knows the end.

It's really starting to feel like the "end of an era".

As August approaches, many of my friends are finally leaving. Some were sticking around until their leases ended and have jobs/graduate school lined up so they're finally moving locations to prepare for their next step.

I'm going home tomorrow to see a couple of these friends before they leave indefinitely, and I've been saying a lot of final "goodbyes" lately. It's crazy, and it's really sinking in.

I'm trying to remain optimistic about this next stage. I'm happy for all of my friends and their next steps in life, but as they leave me I can't help feeling anxious about moving on, myself.

I wish I felt more stable about the future. But I don't know for sure what I want to study, I don't know where I want to study, I don't know which school to apply to, I haven't even taken the GRE yet.

I know it's not something I can worry about right now, and I need to take everything one step at a time... but it's hard to wrap my head around it all.

For now I'll let myself feel sad and miss my friends, feel a little anxious about the future, and start getting ready to move forward.

This week's goal: Career counseling.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Well tonight was super weird.

But anyway...I'm going to bed.

This week's goal: Spend more time outside.

Friday, July 15, 2016

It's a Wonderful (enough) Life

I have this obsession with the 40's. I'm not exactly sure when this developed, or why per se, but I have this romanticized view of life back then that makes me feel almost nostalgic. Can you feel nostalgia for something you've never experienced? Anyway, it doesn't make sense when I really think about it. Things were far from great back then, what with World War II and all.

But looking at the pop culture of the time, with television and movies and music (especially the music) and it feels so wholesome. I think part of it was the simplicity, and with all the technology we have now (for as much as I appreciate it and clearly abuse it...) we have so many expectations and our culture has less...culture.

It's not that I wish I'd lived in the 1940's, but I guess I wish life was a bit more like that now. I wish more people were into swing dancing instead of dabbing, and that music was more in the style of Fred Astaire, Very Lynn, and Frank Sinatra instead of Pitbull, Rihanna, and Fetty Wap. I wish we had more actors like Jimmy Stewart and fewer like Adam Sandler.

I feel like modern culture is so tasteless. But at the same time, there's so much about living now that's truly incredible. It's hard to say. Every era has its iconic contributions, and every era also has its struggles (*cough* the upcoming election).

I guess I can't do anything about it, so the best thing is to just sit back and be grateful that modern technology allows me to access aspects of 1940's culture. I guess I can have both, in some ways. It's not the same but it'll have to do.

This week's goal: Finish Trainspotting.

Friday, July 8, 2016


I finished my summer classes today, and it feels so fucking great to finally be doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

I honestly didn't know what it felt like to expect A's in classes anymore. That feeling hasn't happened really since high school (and maybe a few courses Freshman year).

One of my former professors asked me the other day how I felt about the switch. I told him...

"Imagine you were doing something with your life that as you continued to do it, it gave you mental breakdowns at increasingly frequent rates. And then finally one day, the rate was so high that you literally felt like you were going to be crushed from the pressure. I got out. So imagine how that feels."

And it was something that despite its (unsurprisingly) melodramatic nature, was honestly how I felt.

I kept questioning whether or not it was the right decision, and I kept having these weird pangs of failure that really stung and kept me from feeling truly happy. But the other day I realized I was actually ready to let go of it all. Ready to let go of Encapsys, the feeling of failure, and the idea that there was a chance that Chemical Engineering could have made me happy.

I am happy now. I am so comfortable with everything. And even though I'm a little disappointed in the actual Psychology undergrad curriculum at Iowa State, I know it'll eventually lead me to exactly what I want to be doing. And that's a great feeling.

This week's goal: Work on coding.

Friday, July 1, 2016

Karl is getting married tomorrow.

I don't really know how to verbalize my feelings yet, but I'm so excited. It's surreal.

This week's goal: Push social things with friends.

Friday, June 24, 2016

It's not that I like you. I don't. I don't even know you.
But I want you.

It's annoying. And I'm sorry.

This week's goal: Run 20 miles total throughout week.

Friday, June 17, 2016

We're halfway through summer.

Life is moving more and more quickly every year. It's incredible to look back on how much has happened in the past year, two years, three years, FOUR years...

And it's crazy to think about how much I've grown since then. We all have.

It's not that I miss the "old days". As a matter of fact, I prefer the present.
But there's still some nostalgia that won't leave me alone. It nags in the peripheral of my feelings, and in a weird and painful way, it's sort of comfortable there.

This week's goal: Catch up on 440 notes.

Friday, June 10, 2016

There are too many forms of social media

Which means there are too many ways for me to have weird social anxiety. It's all absurd, but it's all so present and  real and ridiculous.

I hate it.

This week's goal: Stop being such a pussy.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Summer expectations

It seems pretty clear to me that this summer is going to be nothing like last summer. But I've already been loving it, in an entirely new way.

I met Ryan and Taylor (but mostly Ryan) on Tuesday, and I'm super excited to call them my new friends.

I also get to see BK everyday (as if we're not codependent enough already) and I'll get to see Kate and Eli for a bit before they leave me (forever *cries*).

We're hoping to do trivia weekly, and of course keep on Pint-ing on Wednesdays.

Mostly, I'm just excited to keep on doing this degree, and keeping busy this summer with work, classes, and grad school prep.

Until next week...

This week's goal: Solidify study habits. 

Friday, May 13, 2016

Happiness pt 3

I'm sure I made the right choice.

I. Am. Happy.

This week's goal: Get prepped for this summer! AKA e-mail Rachel and Greg, register for the GRE, and find shoes for Karl's wedding!

Friday, May 6, 2016

It's over.

I feel pretty good about the way this semester ended.

I'm proud of what I was able to accomplish. And I know this summer is going to busy with classes, work, GRE prep, and applications...but I'm allowing myself to take this week "off" and just have a worry-free week of summer.

This week's goal: Play outside with the dogs everyday. 

Friday, April 29, 2016

Thoughts from my bedroom floor.

For my blog this week, I have a loose transcription of this video I made while I was supposed to be revising for final exams.


It's hard to verbalize the emotion you experience when things come to an end. Yeah, there's still not a proper word for this feeling. It's frustrating.

Because the semester is ending, right? And it's the second semester of my fourth year. Consequently, I have a lot of graduating friends. So I've been doing some last-minute reaching out to these people, but it's weird, because in my mind it doesn't feel like a huge deal. It's like... well, they're leaving me. And I feel helpless and like it's all out of my control (which, of course it is), and usually I feel scared of that, right? But right now I don't.

I'm sad that certain people are leaving my life. I'll miss them. But I also am just very aware that moving on is something that needs to happen. It's like this feeling of inevitability. It's not like... doomed, or destiny. It just is. It''s that goddamn emotion of when things come to an end. Dang, that word just needs to be invented already. (I bet there's a word for it in French. Or some other cool language of emotional people.)

Anyway I guess maybe it's because it doesn't feel real yet. Maybe it's because I'm still going to be here at Iowa State, living life as per usual. Nothing big is changing for me. Not yet, at least.

But then again, I'm not so positive I'm going to feel sad and empty when the time comes for me to leave this place. Because there's so much more out there beyond the degree. I know that my friends are going places and they're going to do great things. Some of them are already lined up to move on to their next destination. Some of them are not, and are in a sort of panic about the ambiguity that lies ahead.

Who knows which of these groups I will be in come a year's time. But what I do know (or what I hope) is that either way I'm going to feel great. Just as I feel for all these people moving on to the next stage of their lives. It's meant to happen, obviously. And I'm just so grateful to have been a part of their experiences, and I'm grateful to be having my own. In a year, I hope I still feel this way. I hope I look back and instead of feeling sad and nostalgic, I am just proud of what I accomplished in my years here, and will be eager to have the same pride in my accomplishments moving forward.

This is how I feel for my friends. I'm proud of them, and I'm excited for them. And these emotions feel so much better than the emotions of sadness and endings and goodbyes.

So good luck, friends. I'm so excited for you.
Happy Dead Week.

This week's goal: Recreational reading before bed.

Friday, April 22, 2016

The semester is coming to an end.

And I'm busy (big surprise).

Here's a video to watch for now.

This week's goal: Prepare for finals!

Friday, April 15, 2016

Happiness pt 2

Is it weird that every day I ask myself if I'm happy?
I realized it happens when I pass Sweeney. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice...

This week's goal: Find time to see graduating friends.

Friday, April 8, 2016


I watched a film called Happiness (1998).
It's dark. And I enjoyed it.

This week's goal: Teach myself some statistics. 

Friday, April 1, 2016

Well, hi everyone. I'm Kira.

I'm a sarcastic asshole and I'm pretty gay.
I'm 4'10", people seem to be constantly interested in that fact.

I'm addicted to doing nothing. I mean that...I love doing nothing. Especially when I'm supposed to be doing something (e.g. currently writing this blog post when I should be revising for an exam that I have tomorrow morning).

I'm actually a really good friend, but only if I'm truly invested in you. That might sound kind of rude but it's true, and I'm sure you're the same way.

I'm 22 years old, so I've reached that point in life where I don't think I'm going to meet anyone new. (That's a joke, but also I feel like meeting people is exhausting.)

I swear like a motherfucker.

Sometimes I come to this realization that I'll never see certain people naked. It doesn't bother me or anything, it's just a realization I have.

I've lost shame throughout the years. I used to be a very self-conscious and awkward person. I mean I'm still awkward, I just don't give a shit?

I have crushes on everyone. And I'm an obsessive person.

And maybe you thought that first line was to be funny, but I'm actually a jerk. I'm judgmental and crazy.

Yeah. That's me. For now.

This week's goal: Take every social opportunity I'm available for!

Friday, March 25, 2016

Week 13

Wednesday was a particularly good day.

Things to try if you're feeling mopey:

  • Read a book.
  • Get some coursework done early.
  • Run errands (it makes you feel productive).
  • Find a way to actively support a cause. 
  • Do something social.
  • Dollar pints ^.^

Anyway, I feel great. I know it doesn't really matter, but it's nice.

This week's goal: Exam prep.

Monday, March 21, 2016

Almost Strangers

We were strangers back then: Freshman year.

It was Wednesday afternoon, the last class of my day. I walked into the classroom. I was seven minutes early, but there were already some students filling up the side of the room nearest to the door. I kept walking past, eyeing a row of seats that was still empty. I could feel the burning stares of everyone as I made my way across the room. Finally I sat down, hoping to remain alone in my isolated row.

As people shuffled in, they filled up the seats in the most vacated areas, until finally the suckers who came in last were left to awkwardly squeeze past everyone and sit right next to some poor fool...

I was the poor fool. I was busy doodling in my notebook which I had already taken out, and suddenly a body was trying to fit in between my desk and the one to my left. I looked over to see a butt in khaki pants. I looked down and saw he was wearing high white socks and sneakers. Hmph.

Once he sat down I stole a glance at his face. He was a little goofy looking. Wide face, glasses that were perched just below his natural gaze so that he had to tilt his head up slightly to see through them.

The instructor finally entered. She began class in the usual way. Hi. I'm so-and-so. Here's the syllabus. Take a minute to read it. Any questions? Let's begin class. 

She told us about something that wasn't in the syllabus but would need to be noted for our next class period. Some assignment or whatever. Goofy-Glasses-Face started shuffling through his backpack. He kept shuffling, and shuffling...I can't remember if he asked me or not, but I eventually handed him a pencil.


Much too loud, and much too grateful. It's just a damn pencil, kid.

Class continued with a freaking ice-breaker. And man, was I sick of those. I mundanely spewed out the basic information: My name is Kira Engebretson; I'm from the Twin Cities, Minnesota; I'm studying Chemical Engineering; a fun fact about me is that I played rugby in high school.

I listened for his information intently. Information I've long forgotten by now. I remember trying to size him up... Is he weird? Is he funny? Is he awkward? Is he actually just normal and I'm being a judgmental ass? Anyway, the only thing I can remember now is Bill. Bill...Harrison? Henderson? Harvey?

Anyway, Bill Humphingsumthing and I more-or-less became friends. We talked in class every week and we both joined committees on the Advisory Board. He organized a trip to Goodwill for the First Years, and I don't remember how, but he kept me laughing the entire time.

That was years ago.
Today, we walked past each other. I hardly recognized him enough to acknowledge it, and even then it was almost an afterthought to give a muted smile. At that point we had nearly passed each other anyhow; we were already forgetting about one another.

Today we were almost strangers.

And in time, maybe a year, we'll be strangers once again. I won't think twice about seeing him as I walk past. Heck, I might not even really see him. And he might see me but I'll just appear to be another faceless blur in the crowd of strangers that flow past him on that day.

It's kind of tragic, but it's so normal. Bill isn't the first person in my life to whom this cycle has occurred, and he won't be the last. Thinking of the acquaintances and friends I have right now, I wonder how long it will take for some of them to become strangers once again.

The funny thing is... for as sad as it seems, it won't be sad when the time comes. People fade in and out of our lives constantly, and we don't even think about it. I would say something about "cherishing the friendships you have while you have them" but that isn't really the point. I guess all we can do is shrug our shoulders and move on.

So... *shrugs*
Goodbye, Bill stranger.

This week's goal: Go out of my way to do something.

Friday, March 11, 2016

It's break.

So I'm taking a break.

This week's goal: Get caught up on coursework.

Friday, March 4, 2016

Tonight consisted of...

  • Not Your Father's Rootbeer floats
  • Gossiping about co-workers 
  • This:

This week's goal: Get community service information confirmed.

Friday, February 26, 2016


So I was feeling shitty and then I was feeling excellent and then I felt kind of hopeless and now I'm feeling optimistic.

And I don't know how to just level out and be normal.

I guess that's never really been me. I'm usually experiencing some extreme emotion. And I'll be honest with you... it's fucking exhausting.

But it's me, okay? I'm the type of person who's all in*. For everything.

Lately I've come to accept that this is how I am. Unregulated emotions and all.

So I'm just going to appreciate the times when I'm feeling high, and be comforted that these times are soon-to-come when I'm feeling low. And anyway, I've mentioned before that emotions (even the bad or frustrating ones) should always be embraced because that's what makes us human. Life would be boring without them.

*See previous post...

This week's goal: Speak-up up in class at least once. 

Friday, February 19, 2016


Friendship is so transient, and it kind of freaks me out.
But then again, anything involving instability and lack of control freaks me out.

I guess the only thing that I can rely on is that typically when one friendship weakens, another grows stronger.

This week's goal: Be more on-top of things academically.

Friday, February 12, 2016

This was a long fucking week.

This week's goal: Sleep on a regular schedule. 

Friday, February 5, 2016


Jan 30
I worked with someone new. We have a mutual friend, but the two of us have never particularly gotten along. I feel like I need to prove myself to her.

Please like me. 

Feb 1
I talked to a classmate. She seems nice, and maybe could be a new friendly face in this mass of strangers.

Please like me. 

Feb 3
I met someone interesting today. I didn't meant to, but I fell kind of hard.

Please like me. Please like me. Please like me.

Feb 4
My professor came into the café and finally recognized that I am his student. I made a joke, but couldn't tell whether or not his laughter was simply polite.

Please like me. 

Feb 5
I looked at someone this morning who seemed to be hiding a lot from her friends... and maybe even from herself. It turned out to be my reflection.

Please like me.

This week's goal: Be more honest with friends. I haven't been dishonest, but I guess withholding information feels a little scummy...

Friday, January 29, 2016

More Lessons

Hi. Welcome to Week 5:
  • The "Life Lessons" have been slapping me in the face lately.
  • I like to make lists.
  • This isn't the first time I've used this approach to abstractly discuss my week. 
1. The MOST important thing is to be happy. I can't emphasize this enough. It's not easy to accomplish because you are limited. But take control of the things you can, and make the absolute fucking best of them.

2. Don't give people your time if they don't prioritize you. It sucks, but people tend to be superficial. Relationships are difficult, and it takes effort from both sides. Most relationships are extremely temporary (especially at this time in your life) so don't hesitate to cut people out early if you find you're exhausted just trying to maintain connections.

3. Always build in some wiggle room. Shit happens. If you're proactive, this won't be too much of an issue.

4. Your business is your business. You don't have to share it with anyone unless you want to... even your "best friend". And on the reciprocal note: keep your mouth shut about other people's business. It's not your place.

5. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is hard.

This week's goal: Research labs for the summer.

Friday, January 22, 2016

I'm making big changes.

This is the year that I will find happiness.

This week's goal: Hone in on professional interests. I want to be able to write a career objective on my resumé.

Friday, January 15, 2016

The first week of Spring 2016 is complete.

Conclusion: this semester is going to kill me.

This semester might turn out to be alright.

This week's goal: Go to all my classes. Oops, so I maybe already skipped one...

Friday, January 8, 2016

2016, I welcome you.

Sharing yourself with others is scary. Your thoughts, dreams, and aspirations are intimate, and telling others can be terrifying because what if you fail? I've always felt this way, so I've kept to myself. But I lack discipline, and not sharing my goals means not having the motivation to achieve them. Friends hold you accountable for this.

So I opened up. I told my friend Eli about all the goals I want to accomplish this semester, and he told me his. We're going to hold bi-weekly meetings to check in with each other.

I'm excited for 2016.

I'm going to start volunteering weekly at the Boys and Girls Club in Ames. I think it'll be nice to have that as part of my routine.

I've set up meetings with three professors for the first couple weeks of classes to help me get started on the correct trajectory. I'm hoping to better understand what I want to do with my future, and be proactive about setting myself up for success in whatever this happens to be.

I went on a date yesterday. It was pretty much wonderful. There was no pressure on the situation because we live so far from each other during the academic year that it wouldn't be practical to pursue anything, but it was a step out of my comfort zone (I don't date much) so I consider it a success for my weekly goal.

I think this is going to be a good year.

This week's goal: Eat breakfast everyday.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Better Nate Than Lever

Hi. Happy New Year.

I'm already off to a rough start, BUT I'm hoping to [actually be successful at posting a] blog every Friday this year. Last year I did well, until coursework really started shitting on me.

Anyway, I feel insane optimism regarding this year. It's funny how a fresh start can do that, as if all it takes is a new year or a new semester to truly allow me to make changes.

I guess change happens gradually, but I'm working on it. So here goes everything.

This week's goal: Have courage. I'm going on a date on Thursday. Wish me luck.