Monday, November 18, 2013


I don't know why I feel like doing this, being that I'm usually against picking "favorites".
Here it goes, anyway!
I chose some of the favorites that I've decided explain myself pretty well, according to me. It's something I can look back on later in life and compare to.

Movie: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
There are so many qualities that I adore in this movie. Every quote from it is wonderful. I have the sort of appreciation for this movie as I do for the book Alice In's strange and beautiful. It's on Netflix if you haven't already seen it!

Book: Submarine (by Joe Dunthorne)
This was an immediate favorite of mine. Yes, I know you're probably shocked that I didn't put LFA as my favorite, and yes it still remains my true favorite. For the time being, however, I am interested in exploiting Submarine as a book you should all invest in. It's worth it. And it's a quick read! Especially because you'll become addicted to it, and will likely finish it in two days.

Musician: Sondre Lerche
Ah yes, my beloved Norwegian singer. Sondre's music is very mellow, and lately I've been listening to him constantly. When I first heard his music, I listened to about ten songs on YouTube, and then proceeded to purchase all six of his albums. That's $60 I spent on an artist that I had only heard ten songs from. But I wasn't disappointed.

Song: Far Too Young To Die (by Panic!) 
I believe this song has a sound similar to the old Panic! sound, which might be why I'm so intrigued by it. The lyrics are also a huge reason for it being my favorite, though. I like the idea of being far too young to die. My favorite line from the song is "I want to complicate you, don't let me do this to myself".

Color: Tangerine
I would argue that it's between coral and tangerine, at the moment. The reason I'm leaning more toward tangerine is because coral is a winter color, and tangerine is a summer color. I like the contradiction of the color tangerine existing in the soon-to-be wintery world.

Season: WINTER
Of course it is; this won't change. Ever.

Time of day: Morning
Morning comes with comfort, and being rested. I like feeling the cold sheets on my legs, and the potential that comes with a new day. Mornings are so fresh, and they come with tea. Tea is great.

Activity: Basketball
Perhaps this seems odd to you. It seems odd to me, as well. Let me explain: I haven't gone to the gym much this semester...which sucks. I really need the physical activity to help clear my mind, and whatever else exercising does. Recently, a group of us has been going to the gym and playing basketball. Last Saturday we played for about three and a half hours, and it was great. I think it's just because I've been able to have fun and play a sport with my friends during my free time. So basketball has recently become one of my favorite activities.

Snack: Pepper-jack cheese
Oh, so in case you didn't know I'm obsessed with cheese. And pepper-jack is my absolute favoriteeeeee. I eat it with crackers, on sandwiches, by itself...whenever I get the chance to eat it, I will.

Course: French
I love learning French, and this semester we've been focusing on French literature. I think this combination is wonderful, but also, I think French is my favorite course because it breaks up all my math/science/engineering courses.

Professor: Dr. Canfield 
There's something about physics professors, you know? But Canfield is great. I wouldn't compare him to Grandpa Greenbowe, exactly...but I have the same type of appreciation for him. Dr. Canfield is extremely intelligent, and he's also hilarious. And he recently received the American Physical Society David Adler Lectureship Award! He's a pretty neat dude, in case you want to check him out (although you're probably extremely uninterested in this).

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

I never knew you
But now I'm haunted by your past
How long will this last?
- Air Traffic, "Just Abuse Me"

Monday, November 11, 2013

Chapter 19

Welcome to the chapter of my life called "I Have No Idea What I'm Doing".
And lemme tell you what a terrifying thing uncertainty is.

I've had plenty of confusion in my life lately.

Thoughts about changing my major, doubts of the school I'm attending, regrets concerning my undergrad plan, denial about boys, uncertainty with friends...

Yes, clearly the life of a college student.

This "limbo" I'm in is strange.
There are times when I feel great about life, and everything seems to be coming together.
There are times when I feel overwhelmed, and it feels as if every decision I make has an impossible weight attached.

I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know where I'm going with my life.
I don't know how I got here, and if I've made the right decisions up to this point.

I have this sense of "It's too late!"
Even if I wanted to change the path I'm on, I've gone too far to turn back, now.

And perhaps I'm exactly where I want to be. But the suffocation of feeling trapped within the decisions I've made thus far, make me question everything.

It's kind of scary and it's kind of thrilling.
Chapter nineteen.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Just another post.

Hello my little dumplings!

It's been a while. I've started two posts that are currently sitting as drafts, because I don't want to publish shitty waste-of-time posts, but I'm also not a good writer, so I end up not posting anything.

Anyway, I'm in the mood to actually accomplish something, no matter how little or pointless.. so here it is.

I'm going to tell you about my weekend, because it was actually pretty fantastic. Here's what I did:
  • Went to Target with Angela - only one impulse purchase!
  • Went to the Union and played bingo, ate nachos and rice krispy bars, watched and walked out of a comedian show, and bowled. 
  • Played DDR and air hockey with Blake.
  • Crashed a dance at Friley.
  • Played night frisbee until 2:30am.
  • Watched the Katy Perry movie and painted my nails with Angela.
  • Went to B-Dubs.
  • Played basketball (and discovered I'm shit at it).
  • Played racquetball and almost killed Tien and Brandon.
  • Watched football with Angela (the Vikings almost won UGH I'm still upset about it like how could they give me hope and then fail me like that).
So there you have it. 
I hope you all had excellent weekends, as well!
Keep on keeping on, everyone. 

Monday, October 21, 2013

Into The Unknown

"Trust me," he whispers; his hand is outstretched toward me. I glance beyond him, and see only darkness.

"This doesn't feel right." My voice sounds tiny in this vast forest.

"Coward." He smirks. I glare at him playfully, but secretly I am terrified. I look at his hand, palm upward, inviting me to take it. His fingers curl gently, as if my hand is already inside his. I follow the creases in his hand to the veins in his wrist, up his arm to his sure body. He's so spontaneous and confident.

I take a look around me once again. Everything else is definite, and brightly lit...everything but the area beyond him, where he's headed.

"I've been down that path, before." I point toward a familiar area, which is a little boring, but it's safe.

"So have I. I've been down all these paths; all but this one. I'm going with or without you." Something flashes through his eyes, but it's too quick for me to understand. "Coming?"

I look once again at his hand. Right then, it seems as if it's the only thing that exists. I keep staring at it for what feels like minutes, but is probably only an instant. It seems to be getting closer to me; I realize I am stepping toward him. With the feeling that I have no control over my body and I am watching my own actions, my hand reaches out and unites with his. Our fingers latch together as if we are never letting go.

And now we are running.

Sunday, October 13, 2013


I examine the back of his neck, the way his hairline makes a "v". I watch his shoulders rise and fall with his breathing; I try breathing with him.

He turns around. His gaze holds mine for only an instant, but it's enough time to be intoxicating.

I look up at the ceiling. There's a tile with a browning corner. I try to think of why it's become that way. 

As my eyes return to my desk, I see the side of his face, ever so briefly. I think he's smiling, but I can't be sure. I'm too afraid to look again.

For the rest of the hour, I keep my head turned away from him. My eyes shift strictly from my desk to the professor for the duration of class.

I glance at my watch. It's time to go. I move to pack up my bag, but suddenly there is a figure in my peripheral. I follow the familiar blue shoes up his jean-covered legs, then to the buttons on his plaid shirt, eventually leading to his face.  He looks like he's about to smile, but I don't give him the chance. I avert my glance down to my books again, and finish packing up my backpack.

The crowd of people flows out the door, and sweeps him away with them. He's gone.

Once I throw my backpack onto my shoulder and stand up, the room is mostly empty. 
I open the door to a nearly vacated hallway, and sigh.

On to my next class...

Thursday, September 12, 2013

My morning (9.12.13)

I wake up, and look at my phone. 7:20.

I quickly get up to take a shower. But then I realize that Tina doesn't have class this morning, so I actually have a little more time than usual.

After I shower, I see Angela doing homework on the futon.
Hmm...Angela's first class on Friday doesn't start until an hour after mine.

"Why are you up so early?"
"Well, since Tina's not getting up this morning, I decided not to wait for my alarm to go off, and just get out of bed. Why are you up so early?
"This is the time I always get up."
"...On Thursdays, don't you shower at 8:15?"

Right. It's Thursday.

I mean, of course it's Thursday. And this particular Thursday, I have a five-and-a-half hour break in the middle of my day. I'm going to the gym. I shouldn't have even showered.

Then I open my e-mail. A message from Dr. Stacey, the professor of my first of two classes for the day. It says she's sick. OF COURSE.

Luckily, she didn't cancel class.
I honestly would have exploded.

Alright, c'est tout. I'm done complaining.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


As it turns out, 19 credits is a lot of work. Who wouldda thunk it?
But all in all, I have high expectations for this semester.

Each day has its blips.
Yet in the big picture, I've really been enjoying myself.

I've been successful at making new friends, I've been keeping up with my classes, I've been getting involved with campus activities and organizations, and I'm still finding time to eat (important) and have fun (also important).

Aaaaand, check out this sa-weet new purchase:
Aw yeah. 

I hope you're all feeling as great about this Fall as I am. 
Stay positive, keep your head up, and don't forget to enjoy the little things.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


I want to introduce myself to you (even if it's only me who reads this thing).
A few reasons for this:

First of all, I think we all need to re-introduce ourselves to even our closest friends from time to time. We all go through changes throughout the years.

Another reason is that I've started another semester of college. I've had plenty of introductions lately, and it's made me think about how I present myself.

The last reason is that introductions are important. My introducing of myself is different than your introducing of me. And they're both significant.

So hi. My name is Kira.
I'm a little troubled, and a lot of crazy.

Some of my favorite things include paperback books, the smell of Asiago-cheese bagels, and live acoustic sessions.

I've encountered very few books which I find myself recommending to anyone whose mind I find similar to my own. They are: Looking For Alaska by John Green, Watchmen by Alan Moore, and Submarine by Joe Dunthorne.

I laugh at things when I feel uncomfortable.
I avoid confrontation, to the point of ignoring some of my best friends.
I waste my time.

For years, I've had an image of what I want my life to be like, someday. I refuse to share this with anyone, out of fear that it won't happen, and I will be embarrassed of not having met my goal.

I am learning to speak French.
I want to work in a field where I won't be noticed but can accomplish much.
I have a lot of ambition but not a lot of execution.

I have the problem of wanting a boyfriend while simultaneously not feeling deserving of one.

I like choirs and duets.
I enjoy singing, although I'm not very good at it.
I love having real conversations with people.

When I don't feel like I have control over a situation, I tend to freak out. I will then create a new situation over which I can assert control. This isn't often healthy.

But this is me.
This is how I see me.
Now, tell me about yourself.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013


Today started out as a horrible day.

I won't go into detail, but I was in a pretty bad mood; you could ask my roommates.. they would back me up.

Yet the silver lining came.

I ended up learning how to longboard, talked to one of the new CA's, joined a club, went to the C-Store and bought an Arizona tea (which I drank in 20 min, and am now waiting for the copious amounts of pee to come...) and our air conditioning was finally fixed.

Currently, I am sitting on our non-crappy futon, finishing the last of tonight's homework (and check it out, it's only 8:20!), while Master Chef plays in the background.

I'm content.

Friday, July 19, 2013

11 Ways to Get Through a Job-less Summer (or what I've learned from Summer 2013)

11. Get into a TV series. This is an easy way to pass some time, and there's always that show you've been meaning to watch.. just don't get too caught up in it! Watching episode after episode won't be something to eagerly look back on about your summer.

10. Clean. Having a fresh, clean space to relax in is nice. If you're really bored, don't stop at your own personal boundaries. Clean the kitchen, tidy up the living room, vacuum the basement.. this might get you a little extra spending money too, if you have grateful parents (or if you're like me, it'll just get you a clean house).

9. Pick up an instrument and learn a new song. Messing around on the uke is always fun, but maybe find something challenging that will take more time and concentration. The Girl by City and Colour, anyone? Or, for the less musically inclined, some wax paper and a comb is always entertaining.

8. Go for a bike ride. Don't worry if you haven't taken your bike off the ceiling rack in a few years. Remembering how to ride a bike is like, well.. remembering how to ride a bike. Go for a trip to the park, or bike to the nearest Caribou and treat yourself to an iced tea when you get there.

7. Play outside with your pet. Throw a ball for your dog, or take your turtle out to get some sunlight. If you don't have a pet, you should probably buy one; pets are great. Here's an idea: you could buy a chameleon and invite me over to play with it. Please?

6. Look up a recipe to make. Maybe have a nice day of baking, or find a good meal to make for yourself. It's a way to pass time, practice some skills for the future, and it's always nice to have something to eat when you're done.

5. Do some yard work. It's summer! Be outside, and possibly do something productive? Perhaps the garden could use some tending, or the yard needs some weeding. Take on a larger task, even, like finally breaking down the fire pit. That has to be taken down because it's too close to the tree. That was set on fire last time the pit was used. And that still hasn't been taken apart yet. Dad.

4. Go to the beach. Gather some friends when they aren't busy and spend a day at the beach. Play some volleyball, go for a swim, eat some ice cream.. I think we all know the drill, here. If you spend enough time together, have a bonfire in the evening. And if you really spend enough time together, go for the obligatory late-night-Perkins run.

3. Grab lunch with a close friend. Hanging out with a lot of friends at once is fun, but it can also be exhausting. Sometimes it's nice to have lunch (or coffee) with a close friend so you can talk about life and how upset you are that you didn't get a job this summer.

2. Take up a new activity/exercise. You want to do photography? Take a stab at it. Thinking it'd be fun to learn to water ski? Hey, there's no time like the present. Never been a runner? Try it out. (I'd suggest early in the morning, or late at night, when the sun isn't so blasted hot.) Or perhaps you could take up yoga. Do something to stay in shape or keep yourself active.

1. Read a good book. Seeing as you're too busy for leisurely reading when classes are in session, summer is the best time to finally check some of those books off your I've-Been-Meaning-to-Read-These Booklist. If you're looking for a quick-read, Submarine by Joe Dunthorne is quirky, and excellent.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Hello friends.

This summer has been a pretty mild one, to say the least.

For starters, I didn't get a job (which I am still bitter about, but I'll save you the ranting), I haven't seen very much of my friends (until recently), and a lot of the plans I've been making keep getting canceled or postponed (which kind of goes with the last point).

All in all, I haven't done much with my summer. I go for runs, I eat, I watch TV, I sit outside and read, I do yard work..

As I started thinking about it, I wondered, is it my fault that I'm not doing anything?

In most respects, yes. I'll admit, I haven't been as aggressive about solidifying plans with people, or when plans are made, I don't always put forth the effort to be a part of them.

What I've found is that for as much as I think I've changed in college, I revert back to my high school ways when I'm back at home.

I revert to being a homebody. I don't see what my friends are up to because I'd rather be reading the book I'm about to finish. I don't go to the bonfire because I'd rather sit in my room and play my uke. I don't try to make plans with the friends I haven't seen in months because I'm used to the idea of being able to see them whenever, since being at home makes it feel like things are the way they were.

In my own defense, being on a campus does make it easier to do spontaneous things with friends.

The reality is that we're not in high school anymore. Everyone's life is filling up with obligations and fulfillment of responsibilities. People are going to start occupying their breaks with trips, work, taking extra classes, internships.. 

Sooner or later, the windows of opportunity to see certain friends are going to close. Some might be unexpected, even. That doesn't bother me, or scare me, or make me sad. For some friends, that's just the way it goes. But this made me realize how much keeping in touch takes an effort. And I know I'm not the best at it, because I get caught up in everything else. 

I'm going to try and make a better effort, from now on. I love my friends, and there are some that I'd like to keep seeing from time to time, until it becomes inconvenient. 

Thursday, April 4, 2013

I've Got What It Takes

So this is a pretty dorky video, but I think it's kind of cute. And I love this song.

"Failure's still something I can say I've achieved"

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Let's be honest (none of these are about you).

Honestly? You get on my nerves. It's gotten to the point where I can't stand anything you do, even if it wouldn't normally bother me. When you start tapping on the desk. The little crunching sounds you make while eating. Even when you simply say "good morning".

Honestly? I like having you as a friend. But you're getting clingy, and you're opening up too much, too soon. I can't handle you, especially after you've recently gone through a bad break-up. Everyone thinks we're dating, and it really bothers me. When Mia called out to us the other night and asked if you were my boyfriend, I overreacted because I'm SICK of people saying that about us. And I know you need a friend right now, but maybe I can't be that for you, yet.

Honestly? Every time you talk to me, I get self-conscious. I'm so nervous about the things I say, the way I say it, how I look..
Maybe it's because I like you. But I don't know how to go about doing this.

Honestly? We're not alike anymore. I really had high hopes for us, too. I thought you were going to be one of my best friends.
That's changed. I'm not saying you're to blame or that anyone's at fault. Things just happen. I understand. But to be honest, it makes me kind of sad.

Honestly? You stepped out of your comfort zone with me. You took your chances, and I let you down. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm just not.
Move on.

Honestly? You're the only real friend I have right now. And I wish that wasn't true.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Spring Break

Things I was supposed to do:
  • Finish my lab report
  • Do my 4 calc assignments
  • Watch Megamind (yes this was also homework)
  • Catch up on Fil's blog
  • Go shopping
  • Apply for jobs for the summer
  • Work out
Things I did:
  • Caught up on sleep
  • Spent some time with my family
  • Played with my dogs
  • Learned new songs on the uke and guitar
  • Made a vlog
  • Had lunch with Fatima
  • Watched The IT Crowd and Downton Abbey
  • Skyped with Fil

Tuesday, March 5, 2013


There was nothing interesting about the car ride to Wisconsin, sitting in the back seat while listening to the low murmurs of Josh and Chris' conversation under the muffled music playing.

With nothing to do, I felt gravity taking hold of my eyelids. I locked my elbow on the windowsill and rested my cheek on the knuckles of my limp hand.

I awoke to a world tinted in red. The sunset cast a stream of pink on everything, and dim white lights blinked rhythmically past the car from the streetlights, turned on in preparation for the darkness to come.

I began to watch the city go by.
Still, nothing interesting... until I saw the red curtain.

Driving past an apartment building, which seemed pretty ordinary a sight, I caught glimpse of a window with a red curtain.

Conceivably it was because of how distinct this particular window was from the others, but it drew my attention. I was struck by the thought of life going on in that window, behind that red curtain. Perhaps a family, struggling to make ends meet. Maybe a student attending a small college nearby, spending her Friday evening preparing for an upcoming exam. Possibly a young man who just found a job, living independently for the first time.

In the flash of the lives which might exist beyond that window with red curtain, my perspective grew to the entire structure: life going on in every room.

A family of four just starting dinner, because Dad worked late again. A young man passing the girl who lives a few doors down in the stairway, as she leaves for her yoga class. A couple living together, getting into their first real argument. A lonely man, sitting on his bed contemplating suicide. A single father and his little girl watching TV on the couch. An alcoholic woman drinking her third glass of the evening.

Isn't it beautiful how much life there is going on everywhere? Every person as complex as yourself: in every car driving on the interstate with you, in every building you pass as you drive to the city...


Wednesday, February 20, 2013


He put his hand on the chair in front of me.
I found myself staring at it, examining it.
I noticed how they were slightly dry from the winter air, and there were small scars between his pointer and middle finger. I noticed that his nails were short but clean, and I found myself thinking about him cutting his nails every now and then. I wondered about his daily life. I thought about his hands typing on a keyboard, carrying books, holding the door open for someone behind him. I started to follow the veins up his arm, becoming aware of the person it was attached to.
I don't know whether I was tired or zoning out, but something about his hand mesmerized me. Once in a while, little things like that will catch my attention.
Sometimes it's when the girl sitting in the front of the room is idly playing with her hair.
Sometimes it's when the boy sitting next to me is running his pencil in between the wire spirals on the spine of his notebook.
Sometimes it's the boy walking to class with his headphones in, not checking the street before he crosses.
Today it was the hand I was looking at, resting on the chair in front of me.

Monday, February 18, 2013

twenty one pilots, anyone?

Nate and Tina introduced me to twenty one pilots. I bought Vessel, and I. Am. Obsessed.
Been listening to it non-stop. Every song on it is great.

I honestly can't choose a favorite to share with you, but this was the first song I heard by them. So it'll be the first you hear too.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Monday, January 28, 2013

How many hours in a day?

I look at the clock.
7:15. Time to get up.

I look at the clock.
7:50. Go to class.

I look at the clock.
4:50. Almost done with classes for today.

I look at the clock.
5:07. Should probably go do something productive.

I look at the clock.
7:30. You have a meeting in fifteen minutes.

I look at the clock.
9:42. Finish your composition.

I look at the clock.
10:01. Go to the gym.

I look at the clock.
1.22. Should probably get some sleep...

And repeat.

Don't you wish you could go some place where none of it matters?
Stop clock-watching.
Forget your obligations.
Just be.

Doesn't that sound nice?

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

It started out with a kiss...

How did it end up like this?

Here are my resolutions:
  • Stop running away from my problems.
  • Be more receptive to others' ideas and opinions.
  • Don't let stress build up.
  • Don't put so much pressure on myself.
  • Be healthy.
Happy New Year.
2013? Let's do this.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A Christmas Carol

"Who's she?"
"Nobody important."
"Nobody important? Blimey, that's amazing. You know that in nine hundred years of time and space, and I've never met anybody who wasn't important, before."
-Kazran and The Doctor