Wednesday, November 19, 2014

I think the scariest part about the semester coming to an end is the realization that I was headed to Edinburgh almost a year ago.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

A shift in perspective

Something you once viewed as a sort of freedom is now something you feel trapped within.
Something you once felt trapped within is now something you view as a sort of freedom.

I used to think there was a certain strength in changing the numbers on the scale. Watching them fall, as I would restrict or purge food. It was something I was almost proud of - felt accomplished in. And yet now, I look back and realize I was a slave to my own habits. I was weak: mentally and physically. I used to have this photo saved on my laptop as "free". I thought she was beautiful. And now I see that she's trapped.

I used to feel anxiety about situations over which I had no control. Unfortunately for me, a lot of life is out of one's control. I used to beat myself up over this concept: I would find things I could control. They were almost always a sort of punishment to myself - as if the lack of control was was my own fault. I thought I was trapped in situations which I couldn't manipulate. But there's a release in those situations. And now I see that I'm free.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

By nightfall, you'll be gone

Beautiful snow falls at dawn:
White, impressionable, and new.
Billowy in appearance, it sits on your lawn,
Covering the world you thought you knew.

Yet clean and bright it does not stay,
Its flawless surface you wish to harness.
You cannot resist - it invites you to play.
Harsh is the world that makes it tarnish.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Look at me, and say whether you've known me before.

I just finished watching David Lynch's Inland Empire.

It's wild, and almost exhausting to watch (maybe in part due to it being 3.5 hours long).
But overall, it's excellent. If you ever feel compelled, someday you should strap in and prepare for a mindfuck.