Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Update, because what the hell.


This past weekend, my car was impounded, which ended up being a $300 fee. Cash only. $30 compound per day. I had to borrow money from a friend in order to recover it.
Fun times.

In other news, I recently received The Journal from Mexico (Angie sent it over a month ago, but apparently the Mexican Post takes forever). It's going to be sent around to all my friends from Edinburgh.
Angie wrote an introductory story about all of us for the first page. I wasn't expecting to, but I cried when I finished reading.
I'm supposed to fill in the second page; I'm not sure what to include.
I'm hoping to get that figured out this weekend.

My life isn't exactly coming together as I had hoped, but I've come to realize that's okay.

I've found myself laughing a lot more lately, which has been nice. I wasn't unhappy before, I've just found myself being particularly happy in the past couple weeks, despite some unfortunate situations that have arisen. 

I've discovered Portugal. The Man, thanks to my friend Bryan.
And I've been listening to the Vera Lynn station on Pandora for the past two days, which has been lovey.

Overall, life is swell.

That's all for now.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Well, shit.

So, I've hit the point in my semester where I feel like I'm drowning.

I try to avoid these pessimistic posts. But hey, life happens.

I've accumulated a heaping amount of anxiety lately because I keep questioning my degree. I'm highly interested in Chemical Engineering, but I'm not performing very well in my courses.

I could blame the fact that I'm taking 18 credits, and that I'm working 14 hours per week. I could blame my poor internet connection at my apartment or the fact that I have been getting sick which is causing me to sleep more than usual.

But in reality, I always reach this point. Every semester starts out as new and exciting. Then comes the anxiety and cynicism.

I'm not sure what to do about it.

The thing is: if I weren't studying Chemical Engineering, I'm pretty sure my degree would be an entirely different focus. Nothing engineering-related. Probably not even maths/science.

It scares me a great deal.

Hopefully I will find a way to work through this. Hopefully in a week's time I will be happy and excited again and find something to hang onto to keep me afloat.

Until then, I'm going to wallow in my unreasonable amount of stress and hope that brings me to the motivation which I need to get by.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Food for thought (it might be poisoned)

There are little particles that constantly float around in your vision, but your brain tells you to ignore them.

Every once in a while, when looking at nothing, you'll notice.

I think that's fascinating.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014


These days are long but the hours are short.
I find myself trying to keep busy until I'll be able to do nothing.

Sleep doesn't come easily when I need it.
But it comes accidentally when it's most detrimental.

I'm deeply passionate about things, which gives me the illusion of happiness.
Perhaps that's enough.

I can't help but wonder when I'll reach my capacity.
Someday I will give up. It always happens.

I'll wait patiently. But I find I just don't have the time.