Friday, July 8, 2016

Closure.

I finished my summer classes today, and it feels so fucking great to finally be doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

I honestly didn't know what it felt like to expect A's in classes anymore. That feeling hasn't happened really since high school (and maybe a few courses Freshman year).

One of my former professors asked me the other day how I felt about the switch. I told him...

"Imagine you were doing something with your life that as you continued to do it, it gave you mental breakdowns at increasingly frequent rates. And then finally one day, the rate was so high that you literally felt like you were going to be crushed from the pressure. I got out. So imagine how that feels."

And it was something that despite its (unsurprisingly) melodramatic nature, was honestly how I felt.

I kept questioning whether or not it was the right decision, and I kept having these weird pangs of failure that really stung and kept me from feeling truly happy. But the other day I realized I was actually ready to let go of it all. Ready to let go of Encapsys, the feeling of failure, and the idea that there was a chance that Chemical Engineering could have made me happy.

I am happy now. I am so comfortable with everything. And even though I'm a little disappointed in the actual Psychology undergrad curriculum at Iowa State, I know it'll eventually lead me to exactly what I want to be doing. And that's a great feeling.


This week's goal: Work on coding.

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