Welcome to the chapter of my life called "I Have No Idea What I'm Doing".
And lemme tell you what a terrifying thing uncertainty is.
I've had plenty of confusion in my life lately.
Thoughts about changing my major, doubts of the school I'm attending, regrets concerning my undergrad plan, denial about boys, uncertainty with friends...
Yes, clearly the life of a college student.
This "limbo" I'm in is strange.
There are times when I feel great about life, and everything seems to be coming together.
There are times when I feel overwhelmed, and it feels as if every decision I make has an impossible weight attached.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know where I'm going with my life.
I don't know how I got here, and if I've made the right decisions up to this point.
I have this sense of "It's too late!"
Even if I wanted to change the path I'm on, I've gone too far to turn back, now.
And perhaps I'm exactly where I want to be. But the suffocation of feeling trapped within the decisions I've made thus far, make me question everything.
It's kind of scary and it's kind of thrilling.
Chapter nineteen.
I don't think they should call them mid life crisis since I have about one a year. They need a new word for what we experience, as (hopefully) not middle aged people. The uncertainty of it all is hard in limbo. And then the stress of the uncertainty and the stress of becoming certain and figuring it out fast does not help anything. It stays like that until were able to take that deep breath, find some reason and keep going on some path. Whether we do turn around a bit, take the fork in the road, continue on the same path or just go off into the forest.
ReplyDeleteWe are still young. It will all work out. It has to right?