Click.

So I was feeling shitty and then I was feeling excellent and then I felt kind of hopeless and now I'm feeling optimistic.

And I don't know how to just level out and be normal.

I guess that's never really been me. I'm usually experiencing some extreme emotion. And I'll be honest with you... it's fucking exhausting.

But it's me, okay? I'm the type of person who's all in*. For everything.

Lately I've come to accept that this is how I am. Unregulated emotions and all.

So I'm just going to appreciate the times when I'm feeling high, and be comforted that these times are soon-to-come when I'm feeling low. And anyway, I've mentioned before that emotions (even the bad or frustrating ones) should always be embraced because that's what makes us human. Life would be boring without them.


*See previous post...

This week's goal: Speak-up up in class at least once. 

All it takes is a smile.

And now I'm all in.

BKKK

Friendship is so transient, and it kind of freaks me out.
But then again, anything involving instability and lack of control freaks me out.

I guess the only thing that I can rely on is that typically when one friendship weakens, another grows stronger.

This week's goal: Be more on-top of things academically.

This was a long fucking week.


This week's goal: Sleep on a regular schedule. 

Please.

Jan 30
I worked with someone new. We have a mutual friend, but the two of us have never particularly gotten along. I feel like I need to prove myself to her.

Please like me. 

Feb 1
I talked to a classmate. She seems nice, and maybe could be a new friendly face in this mass of strangers.

Please like me. 

Feb 3
I met someone interesting today. I didn't meant to, but I fell kind of hard.

Please like me. Please like me. Please like me.

Feb 4
My professor came into the café and finally recognized that I am his student. I made a joke, but couldn't tell whether or not his laughter was simply polite.

Please like me. 

Feb 5
I looked at someone this morning who seemed to be hiding a lot from her friends... and maybe even from herself. It turned out to be my reflection.

Please like me.


This week's goal: Be more honest with friends. I haven't been dishonest, but I guess withholding information feels a little scummy...

More Lessons

Hi. Welcome to Week 5:

• The "Life Lessons" have been slapping me in the face lately.
• I like to make lists.
• This isn't the first time I've used this approach to abstractly discuss my week. 

1. The MOST important thing is to be happy. I can't emphasize this enough. It's not easy to accomplish because you are limited. But take control of the things you can, and make the absolute fucking best of them.

2. Don't give people your time if they don't prioritize you. It sucks, but people tend to be superficial. Relationships are difficult, and it takes effort from both sides. Most relationships are extremely temporary (especially at this time in your life) so don't hesitate to cut people out early if you find you're exhausted just trying to maintain connections.

3. Always build in some wiggle room. Shit happens. If you're proactive, this won't be too much of an issue.

4. Your business is your business. You don't have to share it with anyone unless you want to... even your "best friend". And on the reciprocal note: keep your mouth shut about other people's business. It's not your place.

5. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is hard.


This week's goal: Research labs for the summer.

I'm making big changes.

This is the year that I will find happiness.

This week's goal: Hone in on professional interests. I want to be able to write a career objective on my resumé.