Falling

My laptop is still with the IT guys.
I'm wondering if this means the malware issues are really deeply rooted, or if they are just as lazy as "The IT Crowd" would suggest and haven't done much with my computer except turning it off and on again.

On any account, I'm writing this week's post from my second home (Sweeney).

It's a bit more awkward thinking of topics to write about because I can't just pick up my laptop whenever I have a thought about something that might be worth writing down, and I sort of have to just sit here and hash it out instead of getting to intermittently write when I feel like it.

But this past week has proven to be quite interesting regardless, so let's see what I can pull from that...

I met someone recently, and we've been getting to know each other over the past few weeks. We met at the Toga Party for Kaitlyn and immediately hit it off. It turns out we have Organic lecture together, so we've started sitting together and have studied a few times. We've also gone to the bars a couple times with our mutual friend Dan (who is responsible for us meeting).

I can't say for sure if I have a "crush" or whatever. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Liking someone has always been a little scary, but I think this one is scarier than most.
I'm not sure if I want to be brave and face my potential feelings, or if I should retreat (like usual) and hope that someday someone really shakes me awake and makes me stop being such a coward.


This week's Weekly Distraction

Happy things

• Doc Winter's quirky jokes
• Wednesday nights
• Spontaneous Frisbee on Central Campus
• Becoming distracted at work by talking to Dominique
• Getting to know Jennifer
• Seeing Shaylee today
• Fresh Veggies guy at Panch
• Bev Cart
• Bailing on Boot Camp this week
• Naps
• Reading A Confederacy of Dunces

This week's Weekly Distraction

This summer is the best.

Okay so I don't have an internship, I'm not traveling, I'm re-taking a course, and I'm working less than 20 hours per week between two jobs. BUT. This summer is honestly the best.

The disappointingly-sparse schedule I have gives me plenty of free time which usually consists of reading (all those I've-Been-Meaning-To books), getting to hangout with my Summer-Ames friends (who are all great), and of course getting to occasionally watch some mindless Netflix.

Every Tuesday we go to Taco Tuesday at Es Tas (the bar I live above), Wednesdays are for family dinners, Pint Night, and broomball (which is rad as heck), the weekends are for chilling out and drinking, and any night is a good night for spontaneous events (drinks or dinner with friends, sitting outside and chatting, playing Frisbee..) and honestly I'm loving life.

Working at Bookends was initially upsetting because I wanted to work at Courtyard since it's my usual café, I already know my co-workers, and know the regular customers. But Dominique is a hoot, and I've become acquainted with new Regulars which is refreshing.

I adore working bev-cart so far. I'm slowly getting to know my co-workers who didn't seem too promising to begin with, but of course.. "the results of being open minded will always surprise you". And the Regulars there are a lot of fun too (heavy drinkers, big tippers).

Knowing that I hate summer with the heat and humidity, it's surprisingly nice to be outside for most of the days. Yes, I get sweaty and gross, but I'll probably get tan soon and I feel good which is so wonderful.

I'm loving Doc Winter; he's adorable and a great professor. I'm thinking Organic might be like Transport in feeling a lot of satisfaction in truly working hard to understand the material. Even if I don't get an A and have flawless exams, I'm getting a lot out of this experience.

And of course, the friends I have in Ames this summer aren't my usual crew to hang out with, but I'm getting to know these friends a lot better and I'm meeting new people.

Life is fun. This summer feels very "college", and I'm hoping it's the last summer I'll have that feels this free and unproductive, but I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

Cheers.


This week's Weekly Distraction

Wise people do not always speak wise words

Someone recently told me that emotions should be independent of experiences.
I was immensely confused by this statement, and I don't remember exactly what he said to me after I expressed this, but it was something with the general undertone of: "of course you have a hard time understanding this concept".
Initially, I took offense by this response. So I tried desperately to understand in order to prove him wrong.

But here's the thing: even after trying and trying and goddamn trying to wrap my head around this, keeping an open mind, and working out how this could be a useful way to live life... I still disagree.

Logic and emotions are separate; we often use this to justify weird things.
I mean, say you have a gut feeling about someone, and even though logically you should trust her, you find you don't because of this feeling.
Or love (ugh) is another one. Sometimes you fall in love with someone who logically you shouldn't be attracted to, and yet you can't help being head-over-heels with heart eyes bugging out of your head like a cartoon.

These are emotions. They can't be controlled.

And how demanding do you have to be of life to think this way? I thought I was a control freak, but this to me sounds like something that would take a lot of power... and can you truly enjoy power? Does it make you happy?

Emotions are freeing. They're what bring any sort of color to our lives. Sometimes you are uncontrollably happy and you feel on top of the world! And sometimes you are down and you feel like you can't sink lower but then surprise!, you do...

Most of the time, you aren't experiencing one extreme or the other, yet there's an artful beauty that you're capable of these emotions (however exhausting they might be). I DO believe that emotions are (and should be) based on experiences. And I think that's wonderful and beautiful and tragic and horrifying: that's exactly why life is worth living.

Can you imagine if you were able to control your emotions? Everything would feel the same all the time, and would thus become neutral. That sounds terrifying.

So what I've learned from this whole ordeal is that wise people do not always give wise advice. I mean, he's probably content all the damn time. And maybe that sounds like a good thing to you, but to me it sounds rather boring.


This week's Weekly Distraction

Sorry for being boring today.

Everything takes maintenance. Which is hard.

And usually you're striving to better a situation (or yourself), not just maintain it.

So there's that.


This week's Weekly Distraction

Searching for an answer to the question Haddaway voiced for us all:

What is love?

Plato had a Theory of Forms which essentially states that there are non-material "Forms" which are perfect and ideal, but which the material world (although continually trying to reach this fundamental purity) cannot achieve.

What does this mean? Well it kind of invalidates Webster (sorry, dude) since dictionary definitions are an attempt to give words an exact meaning. Words do have an exact meaning, but according to this theory they cannot be accurately articulated.

Basically, the answer to the question, "What is love?" cannot be verbalized.

Disappointed? I sure was, initially. But you see, no one asks this question out of interest the definition of the word "love"; it's asked because people want to understand the concept (or Form, if you will) of love. Alright, so it's not something we can explicitly define (which is difficult anyway since it's an emotion) but that doesn't mean understanding it is a hopeless wish.

I made the mistake of trying to understand it via logic.
I dissected the word "love". I broke it down to a science (like a true engineer). I plotted out which questions needed to be answered in what order, and systematically attempted to answer each question. All this work only to discover that each question brought up even more questions, or would lead back to formerly unanswered questions.

I had to tear myself away from this method, since the only thing I was getting out of it was a headache. Upon giving up, I suddenly felt as though I understood love - when I wasn't thinking.

So what is love?

Well you know, it's... love. Maybe we have such a difficult time understanding love because we can't articulate it. But it's so deeply rooted that it's almost like instinct. Being in love isn't like having someone complete you, rather it's that someone is an extension of you. That person's needs become of equal priority to your own. Love: we can recognize it, we feel it; deep down we understand it. No definition necessary.

Love is beautiful and painful. Relationships are hard, but in some ways... love is easy.


This week's Weekly Distraction

When things come to an end

It's a sort of bitterness that you can't savor, and you're not quite sure why you want to. Something keeps pulling you along. It's as though nothing is really ending.

And yet...


This week's Weekly Distraction