Heartbroken

I hate to be a cynic.
Who the fuck am I kidding? I (apparently) love to be a cynic.

It's not so much that I enjoy finding ways to be let down, but as it turns out, most people suck. And it hurts significantly less to discover this if you're prepared for it.

Let me be clear: I'm not sitting high-and-mighty on my throne overlooking all the shitty people of the world, thinking about the ways I've been wronged by people, or which injustices have been done to me, or the unfortunate circumstances that have happened upon me.
I'm people too. And I suck.

Recently I've come to find that friends are only "friends"when it's convenient. People care about you, and they share themselves with you, but then suddenly they stop. And they only begin again when they need you.
I'm guilty of this too. But I'm sorry. Aren't I?

He cared so much about me and was being so supportive. But now I haven't heard from him in weeks.
But how have I treated him? I was always there for him when he needed me. And now that his life seems in order, I keep thinking that I'm not even needed. But everyone needs a friend, even when you don't need a friend.

She shared everything about her life with me, and now I'm discovering new information about her second-hand.
Well, I told her everything about me, but now I've been telling her lies. That's even worse than with-holding information, isn't it?

He checked in on me every once in a while, and made sure to keep encouraging me, even when I wasn't in particular need of encouragement. But now he's too busy to even say hello in passing.
And yet I'm the piece of shit friend that never once told him that everything was going to be okay. Not sincerely, at least.

They were such good friends of mine, and now I can't stand the sight of them.
Although to be honest, I didn't even try to communicate with them, and my patience wore thin with no attempt to resolve it.

So I'm a little heartbroken. But maybe I deserve this.