Top 10 Things About Bob

10. Optimism. My dad is a "bright side of life" kind of guy. I can always rely on him to cheer me up. One time, I was having a bonfire with my friend Anna. It suddenly spewed ashes, and I stood up to stomp one out. Well....one must've fallen on my chair as I was standing, cause when I sat back down, I felt a sharp, burning pain in my lower back. I ran inside and told my mom that I had burned my back. She quickly ran to get a leaf of the aloe plant for me. My dad (who had run to Target quickly to pick up S'more stuff for Anna and I) came in to all this chaos. I explained what happened. Instead of panicking or trying to get me something to soothe it, he says "I know what'll help!", reaches into the Target bag, and pulls out a giant Tootsie Roll. I immediately felt better.

9. Messy. He honestly can't go a day without spilling on himself. He's the messiest eater! Like a baby: food flying in all directions from him while he eats. There's always a stain on his shirt, or a little bit of food on his pants. And he always gets mad when he spills, as if it's uncommon. Oh, dad. You're not fooling anyone.

8. Traditional. Nothing ever changes, for him. It's too traumatic. He had the same pillow for forty years. Okay Kira, quit with the hyperboles. No. He honestly had the same pillow for forty years. It was practically a cotton pad when we finally threw it out. And his glasses? Don't even get me started on those. And every time we buy a new piece of furniture, it takes him months to warm up to it. Even his music taste has been the same since the 70s...

7. Pet conversations. Oh sure, everyone has conversations with their pet. But Dad's are elaborate. Sometimes, I catch him trying to get the dogs attention like,
"Hey Charlie.
Charlie...
...
...
Hey Charlie, guess what?
...
...
CHARLIE!"
As if he's waiting for some sort of response. And his pet voices are even gooier than mine.
Have you seen Dom's Reo videos? That's kind of how my Dad is.

6. Simple. No one likes complication, but my dad is an extreme. He thinks everything can boil down to one simple answer. And if it's more complicated than that, it doesn't exist. It's not his problem, at least.

5. Hard worker. My dad takes things very seriously. He's what you would call a perfectionist. So much a perfectionist, as a matter of fact, that nothing ever gets done around here. You see, the basement was Dad's project. He was going to build our basement himself. Cool. Very cool. Except that it took over ten years for it to get finished.
But seriously, he's a very hard worker. Like, whenever something important has been lost, you know documents and such, it's never my dad's fault that it can't be found. My favorite one-liner..."I TRY SO HARD TO STAY ORGANIZED!" Classic.

4. Temper. When I was very little, I was playing in the tunnels at Discovery Zone. It's like a Chuck-E-Cheese type of place, in case you don't know. And anyway...I liked the way my voice echoed in the tunnels. So I started saying "God-damnit!" in a bunch of different tones and volumes, for fun. My mom did not approve of this, and later scolded me, asking where I heard such language. Well, from daddy, of course! You know, I took French in high school so I could figure out what the always meant by "Pardon my French". I've yet to come across those words in my studies, however.

3. Interests. My dad likes really boring things. Like golf. Who likes golf? But it's cute, because he gets really excited about it. I wanted to take him out for dinner, today. You know, celebrate Father's Day and all. But he was like, "We have to get home early, so I can watch the PGA!". And then, I went downstairs for a little while to watch it with him. And all of a sudden he says, "Oh boy, this is getting exciting!", as I watch a small white ball roll around on some grass...I'm just a little underwhelmed by it all.

2. Talents. You know what's really cool? My dad is a Software Engineer. I know, right? We have all the latest technology. Like a thirteen year old Dell desktop! Yeeeeeah buddy.
But actually. My dad should be able to understand technology. But he still calls text messages "e-mails", and sends things like "TeMaToCaMe" or "wru" or "fowthfe" because he things that's text slang.

1. Sucker for his baby. The number one thing about my dad, is that I've got him right where I want him. You know how dads can be: they're strict, and they don't take shit from anyone. But if his little Kira wants something...it's done. I'm so spoiled.

Well there you have it. The top 10 things about my dad, Bob. He can drive me crazy sometimes, but I love him.
Happy Father's Day!