Favorites

I don't know why I feel like doing this, being that I'm usually against picking "favorites".
Here it goes, anyway!
I chose some of the favorites that I've decided explain myself pretty well, according to me. It's something I can look back on later in life and compare to.

Movie: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
There are so many qualities that I adore in this movie. Every quote from it is wonderful. I have the sort of appreciation for this movie as I do for the book Alice In Wonderland...it's strange and beautiful. It's on Netflix if you haven't already seen it!

Book: Submarine (by Joe Dunthorne)
This was an immediate favorite of mine. Yes, I know you're probably shocked that I didn't put LFA as my favorite, and yes it still remains my true favorite. For the time being, however, I am interested in exploiting Submarine as a book you should all invest in. It's worth it. And it's a quick read! Especially because you'll become addicted to it, and will likely finish it in two days.

Musician: Sondre Lerche
Ah yes, my beloved Norwegian singer. Sondre's music is very mellow, and lately I've been listening to him constantly. When I first heard his music, I listened to about ten songs on YouTube, and then proceeded to purchase all six of his albums. That's $60 I spent on an artist that I had only heard ten songs from. But I wasn't disappointed.

Song: Far Too Young To Die (by Panic!) 
I believe this song has a sound similar to the old Panic! sound, which might be why I'm so intrigued by it. The lyrics are also a huge reason for it being my favorite, though. I like the idea of being far too young to die. My favorite line from the song is "I want to complicate you, don't let me do this to myself".

Color: Tangerine
I would argue that it's between coral and tangerine, at the moment. The reason I'm leaning more toward tangerine is because coral is a winter color, and tangerine is a summer color. I like the contradiction of the color tangerine existing in the soon-to-be wintery world.

Season: WINTER
Of course it is; this won't change. Ever.

Time of day: Morning
Morning comes with comfort, and being rested. I like feeling the cold sheets on my legs, and the potential that comes with a new day. Mornings are so fresh, and they come with tea. Tea is great.

Activity: Basketball
Perhaps this seems odd to you. It seems odd to me, as well. Let me explain: I haven't gone to the gym much this semester...which sucks. I really need the physical activity to help clear my mind, and whatever else exercising does. Recently, a group of us has been going to the gym and playing basketball. Last Saturday we played for about three and a half hours, and it was great. I think it's just because I've been able to have fun and play a sport with my friends during my free time. So basketball has recently become one of my favorite activities.

Snack: Pepper-jack cheese
Oh, so in case you didn't know I'm obsessed with cheese. And pepper-jack is my absolute favoriteeeeee. I eat it with crackers, on sandwiches, by itself...whenever I get the chance to eat it, I will.

Course: French
I love learning French, and this semester we've been focusing on French literature. I think this combination is wonderful, but also, I think French is my favorite course because it breaks up all my math/science/engineering courses.

Professor: Dr. Canfield 
There's something about physics professors, you know? But Canfield is great. I wouldn't compare him to Grandpa Greenbowe, exactly...but I have the same type of appreciation for him. Dr. Canfield is extremely intelligent, and he's also hilarious. And he recently received the American Physical Society David Adler Lectureship Award! He's a pretty neat dude, in case you want to check him out (although you're probably extremely uninterested in this).

I never knew you

But now I'm haunted by your past

How long will this last?

- Air Traffic, "Just Abuse Me"

Chapter 19

Welcome to the chapter of my life called "I Have No Idea What I'm Doing".
And lemme tell you what a terrifying thing uncertainty is.

I've had plenty of confusion in my life lately.

Thoughts about changing my major, doubts of the school I'm attending, regrets concerning my undergrad plan, denial about boys, uncertainty with friends...

Yes, clearly the life of a college student.

This "limbo" I'm in is strange.
There are times when I feel great about life, and everything seems to be coming together.
There are times when I feel overwhelmed, and it feels as if every decision I make has an impossible weight attached.

I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know where I'm going with my life.
I don't know how I got here, and if I've made the right decisions up to this point.

I have this sense of "It's too late!"
Even if I wanted to change the path I'm on, I've gone too far to turn back, now.

And perhaps I'm exactly where I want to be. But the suffocation of feeling trapped within the decisions I've made thus far, make me question everything.

It's kind of scary and it's kind of thrilling.
Chapter nineteen.

Just another post.

Hello my little dumplings!

It's been a while. I've started two posts that are currently sitting as drafts, because I don't want to publish shitty waste-of-time posts, but I'm also not a good writer, so I end up not posting anything.

Anyway, I'm in the mood to actually accomplish something, no matter how little or pointless.. so here it is.

I'm going to tell you about my weekend, because it was actually pretty fantastic. Here's what I did:

• Went to Target with Angela - only one impulse purchase!
• Went to the Union and played bingo, ate nachos and rice krispy bars, watched and walked out of a comedian show, and bowled. 
• Played DDR and air hockey with Blake.
• Crashed a dance at Friley.
• Played night frisbee until 2:30am.
• Watched the Katy Perry movie and painted my nails with Angela.
• Went to B-Dubs.
• Played basketball (and discovered I'm shit at it).
• Played racquetball and almost killed Tien and Brandon.
• Watched football with Angela (the Vikings almost won UGH I'm still upset about it like how could they give me hope and then fail me like that).

So there you have it. 

I hope you all had excellent weekends, as well!

Keep on keeping on, everyone. 

Into The Unknown

"Trust me," he whispers; his hand is outstretched toward me. I glance beyond him, and see only darkness.

"This doesn't feel right." My voice sounds tiny in this vast forest.

"Coward." He smirks. I glare at him playfully, but secretly I am terrified. I look at his hand, palm upward, inviting me to take it. His fingers curl gently, as if my hand is already inside his. I follow the creases in his hand to the veins in his wrist, up his arm to his sure body. He's so spontaneous and confident.

I take a look around me once again. Everything else is definite, and brightly lit...everything but the area beyond him, where he's headed.

"I've been down that path, before." I point toward a familiar area, which is a little boring, but it's safe.

"So have I. I've been down all these paths; all but this one. I'm going with or without you." Something flashes through his eyes, but it's too quick for me to understand. "Coming?"

I look once again at his hand. Right then, it seems as if it's the only thing that exists. I keep staring at it for what feels like minutes, but is probably only an instant. It seems to be getting closer to me; I realize I am stepping toward him. With the feeling that I have no control over my body and I am watching my own actions, my hand reaches out and unites with his. Our fingers latch together as if we are never letting go.

And now we are running.

Uncertain.

I examine the back of his neck, the way his hairline makes a "v". I watch his shoulders rise and fall with his breathing; I try breathing with him.

He turns around. His gaze holds mine for only an instant, but it's enough time to be intoxicating.

I look up at the ceiling. There's a tile with a browning corner. I try to think of why it's become that way. 

As my eyes return to my desk, I see the side of his face, ever so briefly. I think he's smiling, but I can't be sure. I'm too afraid to look again.

For the rest of the hour, I keep my head turned away from him. My eyes shift strictly from my desk to the professor for the duration of class.

I glance at my watch. It's time to go. I move to pack up my bag, but suddenly there is a figure in my peripheral. I follow the familiar blue shoes up his jean-covered legs, then to the buttons on his plaid shirt, eventually leading to his face.  He looks like he's about to smile, but I don't give him the chance. I avert my glance down to my books again, and finish packing up my backpack.

The crowd of people flows out the door, and sweeps him away with them. He's gone.

Once I throw my backpack onto my shoulder and stand up, the room is mostly empty. 

I open the door to a nearly vacated hallway, and sigh.

On to my next class...

My morning (9.12.13)

I wake up, and look at my phone. 7:20.
HOLY CRAP WHY DIDN'T MY ALARM GO OFF?!

I quickly get up to take a shower. But then I realize that Tina doesn't have class this morning, so I actually have a little more time than usual.

After I shower, I see Angela doing homework on the futon.
Hmm...Angela's first class on Friday doesn't start until an hour after mine.

"Why are you up so early?"
"Well, since Tina's not getting up this morning, I decided not to wait for my alarm to go off, and just get out of bed. Why are you up so early?
"This is the time I always get up."
"...On Thursdays, don't you shower at 8:15?"

Right. It's Thursday.

I mean, of course it's Thursday. And this particular Thursday, I have a five-and-a-half hour break in the middle of my day. I'm going to the gym. I shouldn't have even showered.

Then I open my e-mail. A message from Dr. Stacey, the professor of my first of two classes for the day. It says she's sick. OF COURSE.

Luckily, she didn't cancel class.
I honestly would have exploded.

Alright, c'est tout. I'm done complaining.